I can see the light.

Yes, I really do think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve spent so long wonder when it would happen and some days I’m still not so sure if it has, but on the whole things do seem to be getting a whole lot easier. My twins and youngest members of my little quartet turned four recently and will be off to big school in September… halleluiah!! Since they started in Montessori last September things have been very slowly returning to something resembling normality for me, after three and a half years of very full-on motherhood. And eventually I can think about doing something for me. Writing this blog is the first step.

So much has happen to me since I discovered I was expecting twins four and a half years ago and indeed since I first became a mum almost 11 years ago
I’ve been a working mother-of-one, commuting and working in the financial sector , a part-time Montessori teacher, a full-time mum-of-two, a childminder, and most recently and very unexpectedly a full-time mum of four. We always said we’d have three children!! That was the very first lesson ’expect the unexpected’. Number three should have been so easy., a walk in the park, after all I was an experienced mum. I’d done the colicky baby and the total not having a clue whether you’re doing anything right first time mum thing. I’d survived the new baby plus jealous tantrumy toddler. But just when I thought I knew it all, I found myself plunged into the world of multiples. A whole new world with new questions and a new language and I discovered that the two children I had at home were in fact my singletons and I was now carrying dichorionic, diamnionic, dizygotic multiples, or non-identical twins to you and me.

My life changed completely the day I discovered I was expecting twins and I’m only starting to find myself again. Motherhood changes us completely and I suppose the more extreme the circumstances the more unrecognisable we become. My young single self bears no resemblance to the woman I am now. And that makes me sad. The fun and laughter is all but gone. Overwhelming responsibility and sheer exhaustion have extinguished my spark. I long for the energy and vitality to enjoy my wonderful children fully. They are funny, bright and talented. But mostly I bark at them, feel irritated by them and often long for the day when they will no longer need me.

But I can see the light and now that I feel I can find a few extra minutes in my day, it’s time to write down all my experiences, my opinions and feelings and get them out there into the world. Lighten the load and free my mind. And maybe you can tell me if I really have lost my sanity or am I just a regular mum of four, with too much to do and not enough time for everyone.